Ika - 168 Banat

7 tips para maiba ang araw mo

1.ibenta ang celfone at bilhin ulit

2.ibigay ang wallet sa katabi sabay sigaw ng holdap!

3.maglaro ng tagu taguan sabay umuwi ng bahay.

4.paghiwahiwalayin ang sangkap ng 3 in 1.

5.uminom ng limang baso ng kape sabay matulog.

6.kurutin ang kapatid at unahang umiyak.

7.makipag jack en poy sa salamin hanggang manalo ka.

Pag may madami tayong problema, masyado tayong nag-iisip...
Pag masyado tayong nag-iisip, nase-stress tayo...
Pag nase-stress tayo, sumasakit ang ulo natin...
Pag sumobra ang sakit ng ulo natin, nagiging migraine...
Pag may migraine tayo, hindi tayo makapag-isip...
Pag hindi tayo makapag-isip, hindi natin naiisip ang mga problema.
Buti na lang may migraine.

Eskinita sa Czech Republic, safe na safe

Dahil sa Czech Republic, tumatagos sa pader ang mga kotche

Uganda... upanget.

Nung October 14, 2009, sinubmit ng isang Member of Parliament sa Uganda ang private member's bill na hatulan ng death penalty ang kabadingan. Gumawa ng ingay ang balitang yan, pero gumawa ng sariling ingay, MAS MAINGAY NA PETITION ang mga kontra sa "kabadingan death penalty bill" na yan.

Eto nga pala ang homophobic na nagpauso ng kabadingan death penalty bill sa Uganda.

David Bahati

Ang pogi pogi 'no?

Madami ang umapila. Madami ang umangal. Madami ang nag-petition. Madami ang naki-alam. Madami ang umepal. At dahil madami ang umepal, hindi natuloy ang pagsulong ng kagaguhang bill na yan. Hindi pa totally demolished ang bill na yan, at may posibilidad na umiksena ulit yan sa future, pero ang pansamantalang paghinto kahit ng voting lang para dyan ay sobrang laking pruweba na may magagawa ang mga normal na tao. Na malaki ang nagagawa ng internet. Na mas mapapakinggan ang boses pag mas madami, pag sama-sama, at pag tama ang pinaglalaban.

Hindi napatupad ang death penalty sa Uganda. PERO ILIGAL PARIN ANG KABADINGAN SA UGANDA. Hindi lang sa Uganda, kundi pati sa ibang sub-Saharan African countries. Hindi naman mismong pagiging bading ang pinagbabawal nila, kundi mga acts ng kabadingan. Pero nakakagago parin yon. Baket mo ipagbabawal ang kalayaang maging masaya ng mga bakla? Actually hindi lang sa mga bakla. Basta same sex intimacy, iligal sakanila. Pag napatunayan na naging intimate ka sa kapareho mong sex, pwede kang makulong ng 14 years.

Epal. Mas Epal.

Epal: Naks! Nagbabasa ng libro ah! Nagpapanggap kang may utak?

Mas Epal: Ulol! Wala nakita ko lang 'tong Philippine history book ng utol ko.

Epal: Patingin nga nyan.

Mas Epal: Ingatan mo gago hiniram lang yan ng utol ko sa library.

Epal: "Philippine History", ayos sa trip ah.

Mas Epal: Wla naisip ko lang basahin. Importante ang history 'e?

Epal: Syempre. Lalo na Philippine history. Kung alam mo kasi ang mga nangyare, mas ma-a-appreciate mo ang present.

Mas Epal: Onga. Tsaka isipin mo. Gaanong hirap ang na-experience ng mga Pilipino na nakipaglaban sa mga Kastila noon para sa kalayaan. Dapat lang naman siguro na hindi sila makalimutan.

Epal: Ah Spanish occupation ba 'tong binabasa mo?

Mas Epal: Oo.

Epal: Mula kailan, hanggang kailan nga sinakop ng mga Kastila ang Pilipinas?

Mas Epal: Mula... teka... pahiram nga nung libro... ah ok... Mula page 11 hanggang page 74.

Epal: Wow... Pagkatapos mo basahin yan magbasa ka ng libro sa self defense ha. Sasaktan kita bukas. Booyset!

Good idea

LALAKE: Boss magpapagawa ako ng tattoo ng pinakamagandang babae sa buong mundo

TATTOO ARTIST: sige po sir. saan nyo po gustong ipalagay?
LALAKE: sa mukha ng asawa ko

BABAE: pinagtulungan po ako ni-rape nung limang lalake

PULIS: di ka ba sumigaw?

BABAE: sumigaw po. limang beses din
PULIS: ano sinigaw mo?

BABAE: next! next! next! next! next!

Gintong Aral

Update sa pagka-Tunay Na Astig na Barako ni Pacman

ma-epal ang tunay na astig na barako at hindi nagco-condom

Paaralan ng mga Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

Cherry Mobile: Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!

Dahil ayon sa CD-R King rule, ang tunay na lalake ay cheap at malabong kausap

Miss, may kendi ka diyan?

Miriam Defensor Santiago: Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!

Ang paghahamon ng suntukan kay Manny Pacquiao ay gawaing pang-tunay na astig na barako lamang

Gawain ng Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!

Tindahan ng mga Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

Tunay Na Astig na Barako Kodak moment !!

Pagkain ng Di Tunay Na Astig na Barako !

When you need it



Dirty Bike

Girls vs Boys

Girls said: being BABAERO doesnt makes u GWAPO it makes u GAGO.
Boys said: being MALANDI doesnt makes u MAGANDA it makes u DESPERADA.

Teacher: Juan, bakit puro RED HORSE ang sagot mo dito sa test paper mo??

Juan: dahil.. ITO ANG TAMA.

Di ka pwedeng sumaya ng ikaw lang …

Subukan mong kilitiin ang sarili mo, matatawa ka ba??

Makati

if your ears itch, someone is thinking of you..
if your eyes itch, someone wants to see you..
if your lips itch, someone is dying to kiss you
if your entire body itches.. hehehe
ano akala mo?? ligo ka na oi.

Huwag kang umasang may magseseryoso sayo..
kung ikaw mismo tuwang-tuwa sa panloloko mo …

Lahat tayo ay may papel dito sa mundo..
E bakit pag may quiz, NAUUBUSAN tayo?

DOK: “Nars, nasaan na yung sunod na pasyente?”
NARS: “Pinauwi ko na po Doc.”
DOK: “Oh, bakit?”
NARS: “Eh masama daw po ang pakiramdam eh.”

Boy: Hey, pwede magtanong?

Girl: Sure, ano yun?

Boy: Ano gusto mo sa isang lalaki na 3 words lang?
Girl: Uhhm, MABAIT, SWEET, CUTE.

Boy: Aaaah.

Girl: Eh ikaw?

Boy: Gusto ko sa isang babae na 3 words lang din?

Girl: Yep. Oh ano mga un?

Boy: YUNG TULAD MO.

SINUNGALING ANG GF:

TOMMY:PARE,HINIWALAYAN KO NA ANG SYOTA KONG SINUNGALING.SABI NYA DOON SYA NATULOG SA ATE NIYA KAGABI.

MIKE: O,ANONG PROBLEMA RON??

TOMMY:AKO ANG KATABI NG ATE NYA KAGABI!!!

True bravery is to arrive home... ...Fully drunk...From a late night out...

and mom waiting with a broom in hand then you ask...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
oi ma...gabi na ahhh
maglilinis pa kayo ng bahay?

Mara Clara

Christian: Bakit parang hindi mo ako mamimiss?

Mara: Ano ka ba, syempre mamimiss kita. Magkikita pa naman tayo diba?
Christian: Syempre naman. Kasi lilipat ako kung saan ka lilipat.

Mara: Christian, wag. Ayokong baguhin mo yung buhay mo dahil sakin.

Christian: Paano ba yan, Mara? Ikaw na ang buhay ko.

bata:(nagdadasal)

Lord, si Jose Rizal nlng sana
pumatay kay magellan.Amen,..
...
-
-
-
-
(nadinig ng tatay)

Bakit naman anak?

.
.
yun po kasi sagut ku sa test eh ..

Ang "pag-aaral" ang pinto ng tagumpay...
pero syempre..

Ang "pangongopya" ..

...Ang SUSI

The teacher asks Juan..

Teacher: Why is your cat at school today?
Juan: Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' .. so I'm saving him!"

Anak: Tay, ano pa ang trabaho nyo?

Tatay: Carpenter ako anak!

Anak: Ano po ang carpenter tay?
Tatay: Ano pa, eh di taga pinta ng kotse

Ika - 167 Banat

Gintong Aral

Huwag kang manunulak kung hindi mo naman pala kayang makipagsapakan

Ganito dapat lahat ng nagmomotor...

...nakahelmet

Para sa mga gustong maging sunod na Justin Bieber

Sundan mo lang ang mga ginagawa ni Justin Bieber. Kung kaya nya, kaya mo rin.

1. Kumanta ka
2. Kunan ang sarili mo ng videos habang kumakanta.
3. I-post mo ang videos sa Youtube.
4. Mag-audition ka kay Usher.
5. Maging guest actor ka sa C.S.I.
6. I-lock mo sa loob ng closet ang isa sa mga producers ng show.
7. Manapak ka ng cake.

Eto ang pabasang pinaghugutan:

Yahoo! TV Blog
Justin Bieber Was a 'Brat' Shooting 'C.S.I.,' According to Marg Helgenberger
By Tara Ariano, The Set | Monday, May 9, 2011, 7:23 AM

"C.S.I." star Marg Helgenberger will have a reduced role in the CBS drama's coming 12th season, which has turned out to be good planning: Now that a recent interview she gave has come to light, it's probably best that angry Justin Bieber fans not be able to predict her whereabouts after the actress described him as a "brat" during a guest-starring stint on the show.

Admittedly, when I saw the New York Daily News headline, I thought it had to be a totally fabricated gossip story. But...there is video. Or, rather, there was; the copyright holder has had it pulled from YouTube.

Helgenberger was visiting a French outlet of Europe1, to talk about her show (which is adorably known in France as "Les Experts"). Naturally, the subject of recent recurring guest star/international pop superstar Justin Bieber came up, in the context of a discussion about stuntcasting. And though the question was whether Bieber's performance was any good, Helgenberger saw an opening and took it.

After saying that Bieber was "pretty good," considering that he'd "never acted before," Helgenberger doesn't even wait for a follow-up question before going on to describe Bieber's behavior behind the scenes. "I shouldn't be saying this, but he was kind of a brat," she declares. "He was very nice to me. But he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was on the craft service table." (He attacked a CAKE?! I am serious: That is the work of a sociopath.) Bieber's already responded to his nine-million-plus followers on Twitter, tweeting, "[I]t's kinda lame when someone you met briefly and never worked with comments on you. I will continue to wish them luck and be kind." Possibly he typed "kind" when he meant "passive-aggressive."

Bieber had played a slippery young domestic terrorist in a pair of episodes this season; here's an example of his dramatic work.

Sa mga nagtaka kung baket wala kaming pabasa nung mga nakaraan tungkol sa laban ni Manny Pacquiao at Shane Mosley...

Ang totoo nyan, wala kaming naramdaman na "kilig" mula pa nung naconfirm na si Mosley ang susunod na kakalabanin ni Manny. Umpisa pa lang alam na naming mismatch yan 'e. Alam din ng lahat yon. Walang kwentang himayin noon dahil kahit gano kadaming bagay ang ginawa ng mga promoters nila, wala talagang gaanong hype yung laban. Expected na mamaniin ni Pacquiao so Mosley, at yun naman ang nangyare.

Pero sa araw ng laban (kahapon), dun lumabas ang mga karapatdapat bigyan ng pansin.

Philippine National Anthem sang by Charice

Safe (boring) ang "performance" ni Charice. Hindi nya kasalanan na wala masyadong impact ang pagkanta nya ng Lupang Hinirang. Masyado kasing madaming nakikiaalam noon tuwing ibang rendition ang ginagawang pagkanta nyan. Mga booyset na mga moralistang duwag sa pagbabago at nililimitahan ang kakayahan ng mga artist na kumakanta ng Philippine National Anthem.

Ang baba ng boses ni Charice compared sa boses nya sa iba nyang kanta. Syempre maganda parin yung boses nya. Kapunapuna lang na mas mababa talaga yung boses nya dyan. Nagbibinata na nga talaga si Charice. Oist! wag ka munang umapila. Biro lang yan. Segue lang yon para masabi namin na kitang-kita na nagdadalaga na si Charice. At mukang laking Bear Brand sya dahil nagiging kamuka na nya si Eugene Domingo.

Paris Hilton post fight Tweets
@ParisHilton: "Hanging out with @MannyPacquiao and his beautiful Jinkee. They are such a sweet & down to earth couple! Love them! :)"

@ParisHilton: "Wow! Such an honor to be brought on stage by Manny & his wife Jinkee after the fight. Can't wait to visit them when I go to the Philippines."

Mukang nakahanap na ng bagong BFF si Paris Hilton.
Nakakatakot lang dahil baka pagbintangan na naman ni Mayweather na
nagda-drugs si Manny dahil lang close-close-san na sila ni Paris.

CHECK MATE-tira ang matibay...

Dito lang panalo ang mas madaming kinain na bala

Pano patawanin ang mga bobo tuwing Friday?

Mag-joke ka sa kanila tuwing Tuesday.

Sa mga hindi naka-gets, maiintindihan nyo din yan pagdating ng Friday

Wazakalypse is Coming!

Addendum sa Manifesto ng Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!!

Ang tunay na astig na barako ay hindi natutulog, maliban na lang kung gagawin niya ito sa makalalakeng paraan, sa kalsadang dinadaanan ng maraming tao.

Gawain ng isang Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!!

Ang Aso na ito ay isang Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!!

Kenny Bayless: Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

rule # 7: ang tunay na astig na barako ay umaamin ng pagkakamali sa kapwa tunay na astig na barako

O.J. Mayo: Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!

Tunay na Astig na Barako Kodak Moment !!!

LA Lakers: Di Tunay na Astig na Barako!

Ang sinumang umuuwi nang hindi man lang nakakaisa ay hindi tunay na astig na barako

Di Tunay na Astig na Barako Kodak Moment !

Tang Ina this !@#$%^&*

Ika - 166 Banat

Maligayang araw ng ina mo

PUWEDE kang maging gago sa maraming tao, pero iisang tao lang ang makakapagpatino sa ‘yo…

Ang nanay mo!

"Chameleon Pen"

Color Scanner Pen

Astig 'e 'no?

Suggestion ni Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago na si Gibo Teodoro ang gawing kapalit nung dating ombudsman na si Merceditas Gutierrez.

Seryoso?

Si Gibo na dating secretary ng Department of National Defense? Oo, yung Department of National Defense na responsable sa pag maintain ng kapayapaan sa bansa at taga-supervise sa Armed Forces of the Philippines. Oo, yung Armed Forces of the Philippines na nagsisingaw ng baho ngayon dahil sa mga corruption na nangyare nung panahon ni Gloria. Oo, si Gloria Arroyo na dating presidente ng Pilipinas na kapartida at taga-suporta sa eleksyon ni Gibo. Oo, si Gibo Teodoro na sina-suggest ngayon ni Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago para maging Ombudsman at para maimbistigahan ang mga kahina-hinalang activity ng nakaraang Arroyo administration.

Seryoso?

Seryoso?
Gago hindi nga?

iPad: Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!!

maraming buhay ang nasasakripisyo dahil sa tunay na astig na barako.
tingnan mo rito.

You are NOT allowed to commit suicide: Workers in Chinese iPad factories forced to sign pledges

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 3:37 PM on 1st May 2011

Factories making sought-after Apple iPads and iPhones in China are forcing staff to sign pledges not to commit suicide, an investigation has revealed.

At least 14 workers at Foxconn factories in China have killed themselves in the last 16 months as a result of horrendous working conditions.

Many more are believed to have either survived attempts or been stopped before trying at the Apple supplier's plants in Chengdu or Shenzen.

Appalling conditions: An investigation by two NGOs has found new workers at Foxconn factories in China are made to sign a 'no suicide' pledge

After a spate of suicides last year, managers at the factories ordered new staff to sign pledges that they would not attempt to kill themselves, according to researchers.

And they were made to promise that if they did, their families would only seek the legal minimum in damages.

An investigation of the 500,000 workers by the Centre for Research on Multinational Companies and Students & Scholars Against Corporate Misbehaviour (Sacom) found appalling conditions in the factories.

They claimed that:

* Excessive overtime was rife, despite a legal limit of 36 hours a month. One payslip showed a worker did 98 hours of overtime in one month, the Observer reported.
* During peak periods of demand for the iPad, workers were made to take only one day off in 13.
* Badly performing workers were humiliated in front of colleagues.
* Workers are banned from talking and are made to stand up for their 12-hour shifts.

The 'anti-suicide pledge' was brought in after sociologists wrote an open letter to the media calling for an end to restrictive working practices.

But the investigation revealed many of the workers still lived in dismal conditions, with some only going home to see family once a year.

One worker told the newspaper: 'Sometimes my roommates cry when they arrive in the dormitory after a long day.'

She said they were made to work illegally long hours for a basic daily wage, as little as £5.20, and that workers were housed in dormitories of up to 24 people a room.

In Chengdu, working between 60 and 80 hours overtime a month was normal, with many breaching Apple's own code of conduct with the length of their shifts.

And the investigation found that employees claimed they were not allowed to speak to each other.

Production line: The investigation found illegal amounts of overtime was rife and workers claimed they were not allowed to talk during shifts

Foxconn admits that it breaks overtime laws, but claims all the overtime is voluntary.

Some officials within the company even accused workers of committing suicide to secure large compensation payments for their families.

Anti-suicide nets were put up around the dormitory buildings on the advice of psychologists.

Foxconn said it had faced 'some very challenging months for everyone associated with the Foxconn family and the loss of a number of colleagues to tragic suicides'.

Must have: High demand for iPods and iPads in the west has fuelled the tough working conditions for part suppliers in China

Spokesman Louis Woo, responding to allegations that staff were humiliated, said: 'It is not something we endorse or encourage. However, I would not exclude that this might happen given the diverse and large population of our workforce.

'But we are working to change it.'

He added that employees were 'encouraged not to engage in conversations that may distract them from the attention needed to ensure accuracy and their own safety'.

Sacom said the company initially responded to the spate of suicides by bringing in monks to exorcise evil spirits.

Leontien Aarnoudse, a Sacom official, told The People: 'They work excessive overtime for a salary they can hardly live on and are inhumanely treated.

'Conditions are harsh and they don't have a social life. Their life is just working in a factory and that is it.'

Demand for iPads and iPhones has soared, resulting in tough targets for workers in Apple factories.

Apple's supplier code of conduct demands that employees are treated with respect and dignity, but its own audit reports suggest suppliers in China may not meet up to these standards.

The global high-tech product manufacturer made profits of $6billion ni the first quarter of 2011.

Papawash White

'A sige... dahil lahat ng lalake ganito ang itsura pag naghihilamos

Tangina white na white 'a.
Para san ba yan? Sa ngipin?

Wala kang ligtas

'E gago ka pala eh

Usapang Lasing

Orly: Banjo...

Banjo: Baket?

Orly: Kanina pa tayo umiinom. Hindi natin napansin na umaga na.

Banjo: Gago mag-gagabi pa nga lang 'e.

Orly: Tanga lasing ka na. Palubog na yung araw 'o.

Banjo: Pasikat pa lang yan... ikaw ang lasing.

Orly: Palubog na.

Banjo: Pasikat pa lang.

Orly: Palubog...

Banjo: Pasikat...

Orly: Teka... Sa west lumulubog ang araw 'e. Palubog na yan.

Banjo: Oo nga. 'Eh East yan 'e. Pasikat pa lang.

Orly: Gago, west yan.

Banjo: Tanga, east.

Orly: West...

Banjo: East...

Orly: Ah sige. Maghintay tayo ng 30 minutes, bantayan natin kung lumulubog o sumisikat yung araw.

Banjo: 30 minutes? Ayaw ko.

Orly: Baket?

Banjo: Gusto ko na umuwi, inaantok nako. Madaling araw na 'e...

Orly: Gago, mag-gagabi pa lang...

Banjo: Madaling araw na...

Orly: Mag-gagabi pa lang...

Banjo: Madaling araw...

Orly: Mag-gagabi...

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Kung medyo mabagal ang pick-up ng utak mo, basahin ng malakas

Bakit antagal magawa ng kalsada sa amin?

Gusto mo bang chumill?

Ice, Ice, baby!

Miranda Kerr

Breastmilk is still best for babies

Papiga

DVD ng Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

Kape ng Di Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

Di Tunay Na Astig na Barako Kodak Moment !

ang pagususot ng pantalong kulay green ay gawaing pang- di tunay na astig na barako lamang

Sarap maging estatwa