Friday, March 18, 2011

Ika - 151 Banat

Gawain ng Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

Gawain ng tunay na astig na barako ang magseminar sa boracay, lalo na't sagot ng taumbayan ang lahat ng gastos. basahin mo ito......

Pasig local execs treated to Boracay trip
‘Officials attended seminar on empowerment’
By Kristine Felisse Mangunay
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 22:34:00 03/17/2011
Filed Under: Government, Lifestyle & Leisure, local officials

MANILA, Philippines—The Pasig City government on Thursday confirmed that it shouldered all the expenses for a three-day seminar workshop for barangay (village) officials on Boracay Island in Aklan last month.

In a phone interview, Andrew Santiago of the city’s Public Information Office (PIO) said that the seminar-workshop was attended by 330 barangay officials from the city’s 30 barangays.

He added that the training was a project of Pasig’s Barangay Affairs Office (BAO), which had the approval of the Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) and Commission on Audit (CoA).

The money for the workshop came from the city government’s budget for seminars, training and other projects.
Santiago declined to say how much money was spent for the three-day workshop conducted at the upscale Boracay Regency Hotel.

However, he said that Mayor Robert Eusebio had already ordered the preparation of a report on the city government’s expenses for the conduct of the seminar on “empowering barangay officials.”

“It was a basic course on enhancing the proficiency of barangay officials toward an effective Pasig City,” Santiago said.

The first of the two-phase seminar was held in Pasig City from February 7 to 9 while the second part was conducted from February 24 to 26.

Santiago, meanwhile, denied reports that the barangay officials were billeted at Boracay Regency Hotel.
According to him, the seminar proper was just held there although the participants stayed at Boracay Garden Resort.

This was confirmed by Inquirer sources on the island.

The resort has a triple A rating (the highest rating for Philippine resorts), and is equipped with modern amenities, including two large swimming pools and a children’s pool.

It offers a package inclusive of a three-day, two-night stay with daily complimentary breakfast, round-trip transfers and dinner meals, according to its website.

The cheapest package for a deluxe room with triple occupancy costs P4,000 per person.

The Inquirer learned about the out-of-town training after a resident of Iloilo, Maria Batalla Granja, wrote about seeing barangay officials from Pasig City arriving at a hotel in Boracay to attend a “seminar workshop.”

“Does a barangay workshop have to be held at a five-star hotel in Boracay?” she said in a letter to the editor.
BAO officials, at first, refused to confirm the information.

A check of the Pasig City government’s website, however, showed a news release about the seminar titled “Pasig invades Boracay.”

There were also several photos of Eusebio posing with the participants.

The Inquirer tracked down two of the participants, a barangay treasurer and secretary who said the seminar was attended by Pioquinta Quindara, DILG chief of the personnel division, and a CoA representative.

One day of the seminar was devoted for manual planning while the remaining two days featured lectures and discussions.—With Nestor P. Burgos Jr., Inquirer Visayas


Usap-usapan ngayon sa dakong Laguna ang pananakit ni ANGELICA JONES (bukal ng 1st district) sa inventor na si ILLAC DIAZ. Syempre malaking balita ang ganun dahil ang involved dito ay PERA. Yes, kaya nga raw nagawang pagsusuntukin ni Angelica si Illac dahil hinihingi nito ang liquidation ng mga nagastos sa proyektong kinasangkutan nila. Matandaang si Illac ay proponent ng low cost building constructions gamit ang mga plastic bottles bilang pangunahing sangkap. Ang siste, opisina ni Jones ang humawak sa construction ng anim na kwartong elementary school building. At dahil ito ay financed ng foundation ni Diaz, kinailangang matuos nila ang gastos. Ayon sa gwapong imbentor, sa loob ng limang buwan ay halos isa at kalahating milyon na ang nagastos at isang kwarto pa lang ang nagawa! Imposible raw ito kung kaya hinanapan nya ng mga resibo at liquidation forms si Jones. Dito raw nagwala ang trying hard na artista at pinagsusuntok siya; dumating rin ang ina nitong si Beth Jones at sinabunutan na rin si Illac.

Ano ang gustong palabasin ni Angelica Jones? Na makukuha niya sa pananakot at pananakit si Diaz upang hwag na itong maghabol pa ng eksplinasyon sa SOBRANG GASTOS ng opisina ng bukal? Hindi naman yata tamang may bayolenteng mga eksena pang maganap. Lalo lang nyang nilublob ang sarili sa matinding pagdududang may milagrong nagaganap sa disbursement of funds ng nasabing proyekto!

Public Enemy No.1: A Tribute to Paquito Diaz

Your enemy is your destiny, so said the great mythologist Joseph Campbell.
Every story is a conflict, a polarity. The antagonist is as significant as the good guy. Ask every fanboy who has ever cried like a little girl over certain issues of Batman. The Roadrunner’s life would be unthinkable without Wile E. Coyote. Itchy without Scratchy makes no sense at all. The brightest star would be invisible if not for the backdrop of the blackest sky.

Paquito Diaz belonged to the pantheon of the greatest celluloid villains of all time. Anywhere. He was up there with Robert Mitchum, Anthony Hopkins, Gene Hackman, Jack Nicholson, Anthony Perkins, and the guy underneath the Darth Vader costume. When he took the screen, you knew exactly the deal. The stance, those broad shoulders, the barrel-like chest. The air of fear and foreboding, the evil glint in his eye, the gruff voice, the oily face, the curly hair—giving affirmation to that Tagalog phrase “Pag kulot, salot.”

Then there was the moustache.

It was the moustache that launched a thousand goons, raided and pillaged countless villages and banks, robbed the dignity of a thousand women, held helpless little children hostage, corrupted entire police departments, and sent to the throes of misery innumerable innocent families. It was a seriously brush-like moustache, murderous and blacker than a moonless night, and grown like an inverted ‘V’, thick enough to scrub clean the barrels of a shotgun.

His great achievement was the creation— through a massive body of work (almost 2,000 movies it is believed)— of the archetype of the ultimate onscreen villain.

A character actor once said that being the bad guy is an even tougher assignment than the lead role. It’s easy to earn sympathy. But genuine hate and revulsion are much more difficult emotions to arouse. Then again, it’s a symbiotic relationship. For us to empathize, the hero’s life should be made miserable—his wife raped and his kids and mother and grandmother and pet dog murdered in the most unspeakable manner possible. He must be framed for a crime he did not commit. He must be humiliated. He must be oppressed, his modest farmland violently taken away from him. And who better to do that than the antihero. It is not simply by imperative of plot and production design. The actor as goon should also be a force unto himself— a dark, immovable force with a laugh more sinister than ten thousand funereal orchestras combined.

And to be able to do this film after film, day in day out, for more than three decades, is just mutherfucking genius.
Paquito Diaz’s demise leaves a vast, howling vacuum in Philippine cinema. Realize that this man transcends the parameters of popular culture and already occupies the exalted heights of mythology. Think about it: We know more about Cherie Gil and the Joker and— of course, Paquito Diaz— than Lam-Ang. Paquito Diaz as villain is indestructibly iconic.

For and for several generations of moviegoers, there is only one kontrabida. Well, maybe there’s George Estregan, but his mythology bleeds partly into the iconography of, uhm, erotic love. These are definitely impossible shoes to fill.

Unfortunately, for today’s audiences, who will have to deal with inane rom-coms and bewildering indie dramas. In the former, the antagonist is usually played by some middling star with diminished equity (normally ex-matinee idols after the tragic poundage); in the latter it’s usually that boring thing called the human condition. Like a menacing flower, Paquito Diaz bloomed when films were made with a deceptively simple sensibility. White versus black. Honest cop versus corrupt police chief. Hardworking farmer against greedy landowner. There were rarely gray areas.

There were times when FPJ played be a fallen hero but Paquito always unremmitingly played the fallen, period. The conflict clear as day, the motivations even more crystal. The dynamics, uncomplicated. Evil initially defeats good. Good strikes back. In the end, good trumps evil, particularly with a double-barrel shotgun, a flaming car, and an epic bodycount. I miss the witty violence of Ako Ang Huhusga, Hindi Ka Na Sisikatan ng Araw, ang Kapag Puno na Ang Salop, and the rest of those Guerrero-Valderama epics (FPJ plays a provincial cop, Eddie Garcia’s a corrupt judge whose man-Friday is Paquito).

Of course, everyone has a favorite Paquito Diaz scene. Among many others, there’s that one scene where FPJ plugs a shotgun into his ass and… boom. In Kapag Puno Na Ang Salop, there’s an unforgettable encounter: Garcia and Poe trade lyrically barbed threats; as Poe is leaving, Paquito flashes him a goofy smile and without warning is sucker-punched in the stomach. No more words needed. In a more majestically gladiatorial setting, there’s a film where he and FPJ beat the crap out of each other in a cavernous, empty swimming pool with hundreds of people gathered on the edge like they were watching from a distant hillside— a vision that can only be described as epic. Sigh. They don’t make movies like this anymore. There’s a reason why the weekly screenings of FPJ films on ABS-CBN remain wildly popular. There’s a reason why all these morose art-house indies aren’t.

FPJ movies defy natural physical laws. What red-blooded male could ever forget FPJ snatching a .45 pistol from Paquito, and, in a blink of an eye, disassembling it with a single hand? Other variations include taking out the magazine and popping out one bullet after another. Of course, anyone who’s ever held a gun would sneer at the sheer impossibility of it all. But we never question. We only suspend our disbelief. In the same way we do not ask why all villainous henchmen always wear jackets and are always as addressed as “mga bata.” And why they always have a surfeit of facial hair.

Which really brings us back to that moustache. Despite its nefarious implications, Paquito Diaz’s was a moustache laden with humor and irony. It could be comical when needed, as this clip demonstrates:
True evil via facial hair—evil that knows no salvation nor remorse—belongs to his brother, Romy Diaz. But that, my friends, is another blog entry altogether.

Utak Ninja

Situation: Umalis ka ng bahay. Naiwan mo ang cellphone mo sa bahay, o kaya wala kang load at walang loading station na malapit. May kailangan kang ma-contact. Walang malapit na payphone.


* Maghanap ng store na may landline.

* Magpanggap na bibili.

* Maghanap ng bagay na wala sila.

* Itanong sa kahera kung meron ba sila nung bagay na alam mong wala sila.

* Pagkatapos nyang sabihin na wala. Magpanggap na na-disappoint ka.

* Magpanggap na kumakapkap ka sa bulsa o bag mo para hanapin ang cellphone mo.

* Magtanong sa kahera kung pwede makigamit ng landline. Sabihin mong hindi mo nadala ang cellphone mo at kailangan mong itawag sa inyo na wala sila nung kunyaring pinapabili sayo, at itatanong mo kung ok lang na bumili ka ng ibang brand.

* Pag natawagan mo na kung sino man ang kailangan mong tawagan, wag kang magpahalata sa kahera.

* Bigyan ng clue ang kausap mo kung ano ang gusto mong gawin nya.

Example: "Hello Minda, nandito ako sa Mini Stop, hindi ko nadala cellphone ko. Wala silang milk tea, punta ka na lang dito para makapili ka. Basta punta ka na, dito lang ako hintayin kita."

Magdasal ka na lang na hindi bobo ang kausap mo at sundin nya ang kung ano man ang pinapagawa mo.
Nitong nakaraan lang, ginawa ni "Bunso" ang diskarteng yan. Kailangan nyang tawagan ang babae nya para buksan ang gate. Hindi sya pwedeng mag-doorbell dahil baka magising ang mga parents nung babae, kaso nakalimutan nyang magpa load at walang loading station na malapit. Pumasok sya sa isang liquor store at nagpanggap na bibili ng alak. Natawagan nya ang babae nya at napabuksan nya ang gate. "Happy ending" syempre.

Yan ang diskarte.


Isang malamig na gabi, natutulog ang mag-asawang si Ridrigo at Selma, nang biglang...


May lalakeng bumasag sa salamin ng bintana at pumasok sa kwarto nila. Gulat ang mag-asawa at hindi makakilos sa takot. Hinablot ng lalake si Ridrigo, pinaupo sa sahig at tinali ang paa't kamay. Pagkatapos ay tinali naman sa kama si Selma habang nakadikit ang muka nya sa leeg ng babae. Matapos itali si Selma, biglang bumangon ang lalake, at pumunta sa kubeta.

Rodrigo: Selma...

Selma: Rodrigo...

Rodrigo: Wag kang maingay. Nakita ko yung suot nung lalake, takas sa bilibid yun. Napansin kong matagal nyang ninamnam ang leeg mo. Mukang matagal nang hindi nakakatikim ng babae yon kaya sobrang hayok sayo. Sundin na lang natin lahat ng ipagawa nya, dalikado pag nagalit yon baka patayin pa tayo. Tibayan mo ang loob mo Selma. I love you.

Selma: Oo Rodrigo. Kaso hindi nya ninanamnam yung leeg ko kanina. May binubulong lang sya. Type ka daw nya, tinatanong nya kung may lotion ba tayo. Sabi ko nasa CR. Tibayan mo ang loob mo Rodrigo. I love you too.

Hindi ka pa nakuntento sa isa?

Kailangan talagang lagyan ng tagalog translation.
Yung iba kase hindi makaintinde, fush parin nang fush

Sperm Fact

Healthy pala ang mga Bading


Wala nang mas magaling sa kanila pagdating sa paglilinis ng stuff toys, curntains, at carfet.
Sila lang kase ang nakakaalam kung ano yung mga yon

Tang Ina this !!!!

Ang tricycle driver na si Bob Marly: Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!!

kapag walang gig at mga parties na pupuntahan, ang tunay na astig na barako ay nagtatrabaho lang

Shalani Soledad: Sintigas ng bakal, sintibay ng bato, sintatag ng isang blokeng semento

Kung ang tunay naastig na barako ay walang emosyon at hindi marunong umarte, sino ang pinaka-Tunay na Astig na Barako sa mga ito?

Biological clock ng isang Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!

Trabaho ng Tunay na Astig na Barako: Operator sa Nuclear Power Plant

Ang Tunay Na Astig na Barako...

ay hindi sumusuko

Ang Tunay Na Astig na Barako...

...ay mukhang Tunay Na Astig na Barako

Maybe I'm too masculine. Casting directors cast in their own, or an idealized image. Maybe I don't look like anybody's ideal.
-Charles Bronson

Ang Tunay Na Astig na Barako ay mukhang lasenggo

I look like the kind of guy who has a bottle of beer in my hand.
- Charles Bronson

Ang Tunay Na Astig na Barako ay walang kaibigan

I don't have friends, I have thousands of acquaintances. No friends.
- Charles Bronson

Boni Morales :
Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!

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