ang tunay na astig na barako, pinakain at pinainom mo na't lahat, ang dami pang sinasabing kung anu-anong shit.
PNoy speechwriter in hot water over Twitter posts
By Willard Cheng, ABS-CBN News
Posted at 10/29/2010 7:40 PM | Updated as of 10/30/2010 9:30 PM
HANOI, Vietnam (UPDATE) - A Palace speechwriter has been told be more careful of what she posts on the Internet after some of her status updates in the social networking site Twitter stirred controversy.
“We warned her to be more careful with her tweets,” Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Secretary Ricky Carandang said of Mai Mislang, a speechwriter of President Aquino.
“We’ve told our people not just Mai but our people in our office, whether they like it or not, they are government employees and that they should be a little bit more circumspect,” he added.
Mislang reportedly tweeted, “The wine sucks” after the state banquet hosted by Vietnam President Nguyen Minh Triet in honor of President Aquino Tuesday during a state visit.
She also tweeted: “Sorry pero walang pogi dito #vietnam.” (Sorry, there are no handsome men here.)
She also posted: “Crossing the speedy motorcycle laden streets of Hanoi is one of the easiest ways to die.”
But the Palace was quick to downplay the incident, saying they have dealt with the issue, and that Mislang had already deleted her tweets on her own.
Carandang also came to Mislang's defense.
“She has been one of the hardest working people in our office. She’s trusted by the President and this is just a minor issue. So I don’t think it’s going to become anything more. As far as we are concerned, tapos na ‘yun. Nawala na ‘yun. She’s being more careful now,” he said.
Carandang said the President has been informed about the incident. “The President knows about it and he knows I have taken the appropriate action.”
The communications secretary said Mislang has been apologetic but added, no public apology is forthcoming. “Absolutely, she was [apologetic],” Carandang said.
“There was no offense meant to anybody. That was something that was spontaneous. We talked about it and we are being more careful now about tweeting.”
Undersecretary Manolo Quezon III later tweeted Mislang's apology, which she originally posted on her Facebook account.
"I apologize for my comments. If I offended anybody, please know that was never the intention. I feel extremely blessed to be in a beautiful country blessed with warm hospitable people," Mislang said, according to Quezon.
Meanwhile, the Twitter account does not appear anymore on the social networking site. There has been no explanation on whether the account has been renamed or deleted. With a report from abs-cbnNEWS.com
Gawain ng Tunay na Astig na Barako: Idemanda ang McDonald's
Balita: Babayaran ang isang lalake dahil nawalan raw siya ng abs sa kakakain ng extra rice at iba pang shit noong manager siya ng isang franchice ng Mcdo. Nandito ang iba pang detalye.
Judge: McDonald's must pay obese employee $17.5K
10/29/2010 | 03:59 PM
SAO PAULO – A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald's must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds (30 kilograms) while working there for a dozen years.
The 32-year-old man said he felt forced to sample the food each day to ensure quality standards remained high, because McDonald's hired "mystery clients" to randomly visit restaurants and report on the food, service and cleanliness.
The man also said the company offered free lunches to employees, adding to his caloric intake while on the job. His identity was not released.
The ruling was signed Tuesday by Judge Joao Ghisleni Filho in Porto Alegre.
Ghisleni said McDonald's could appeal the case, and the Brazilian headquarters of the chain said in an e-mailed statement Thursday it was weighing its legal options.
McDonald's also noted that it offers healthier food choices.
"The chain offers a large variety of options and balanced menus to cater (to) the daily dietary needs of its employees," the company said in the statement.
McDonald's headquarters is in Oak Brook, Illinois. - AP
Judge: McDonald's must pay obese employee $17.5K
10/29/2010 | 03:59 PM
SAO PAULO – A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald's must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds (30 kilograms) while working there for a dozen years.
The 32-year-old man said he felt forced to sample the food each day to ensure quality standards remained high, because McDonald's hired "mystery clients" to randomly visit restaurants and report on the food, service and cleanliness.
The man also said the company offered free lunches to employees, adding to his caloric intake while on the job. His identity was not released.
The ruling was signed Tuesday by Judge Joao Ghisleni Filho in Porto Alegre.
Ghisleni said McDonald's could appeal the case, and the Brazilian headquarters of the chain said in an e-mailed statement Thursday it was weighing its legal options.
McDonald's also noted that it offers healthier food choices.
"The chain offers a large variety of options and balanced menus to cater (to) the daily dietary needs of its employees," the company said in the statement.
McDonald's headquarters is in Oak Brook, Illinois. - AP
Isa na din ang Brazil sa mga bansang nagkaron ng babaeng presidente
Si President Dilma Rousseff ang unang babaeng presidente ng Brazil, at tulad ng ibang babae na naging presidente, inuusisa din at binabatikos ang kakayahan ni Rousseff sa pagpapatakbo ng isang bansa. May mga nagsasabi na hindi ganon kahusay sa negosasyon at hindi makarisma si Dilma Rousseff.
Lahat naman ng nagiging presidente ng isang bansa ay may kanya-kanyang strengths at weaknesses, babae man o lalake. Kung may kakulangan man sya sa ibang aspeto bilang leader hindi masasabi na ito ay dahil babae sya. Sana maging maganda ang kalabasan ng term ng pinaka unang babaeng presidente ng Brazil, para mapakita din nila sa iba na walang dapat ikabahala ang kahit anong bansa na subukan ang kakayanan ng isang babae para pamunuan sila. Basta ba at least 5ft ang height ng babaeng pipiliin nilang presidente, at siguraduhin nilang walang nunal sa kaliwang pisngi.
Yung mga taong tutol sa pagpapakasal ng mga bading dahil hindi daw makakapag-padami ng lahi ang tambalan ng dalawang lalake...
tututol din ba sila sa pagpapakasal ng mga baog?
Kung pinagpala ka magkaron ng mabubuting magulang, wag mo nang ipagdamot ang mga pagkakataon na makapagbigay ka sa kanila ng konting kaligayahan.
Bilang anak, obligado tayong magkaron ng kapani-paniwalang tawa sa lahat ng korni na joke nila.
(Kung mahal mo ang magulang mo, titingin-tingin ka sa paligid, at pag sigurado kang walang makakarinig sayo, magpapractice kang tumawa ng peke ngayon.)
Dahil masarap makaisa
Wag ka na lang dumisplay sa harap ng teacher mo pag suot mo 'to.
Well depende kung may galit ka sa teacher mo, diskarte mo na yan
Mysterious vending machine
Sa mystery can ka na.
Malay mo makakuha ka ng orange soda, o kaya rootbeer, o kaya corned beef
Hindi lahat ng marunong mag-english, marunong mag-english
Magdadamot ka na lang, tatanga-tanga ka pa
Kung puwede lang sana, huwag na akong magmahal para huwag na akong muling masaktan.
Kaya lang, puwede ba ‘yun?
Eh marami kasing kinikilig sa akin!
Ano ba ang pananaw ng mga taong nagmamahalan pero walang commitment?
Simple lang… alagaan ang isa’t isa hanggang maging handa na sila.
WELCOME to the 21st century! Our communication, wireless! Our phones, cordless! Our food, fatless! Our sweets, sugarless! Our labor, effortless!
Our mistakes, countless! Our attitude, careless! Our youth, jobless! Our ladies, topless! Our needs, endless! Our situation, hopeless! Our salaries, less and less!
LOLO: Laro tayo.
Iha: Ano?
LOLO: Kahit ano, huwag lang taguan.
Iha: Bakit naman?
LOLO: Because a girl like you is hard to find
Aanhin pa ang Magic Sarap at Ginisa Mix kung ang tunay na sarap, sa akin mo lang malalasap?!”
Ako ay may ibon, ngalan ay Kurukutuk
Dalawa ang butse, balahibo’y kulot
Pag ito’y nagagalit, sa butas pumapasok
May regalo ka pang gatas na malapot!
ARMANDO: Dok, bakit ang ipinalit ninyong kamay sa akin ay kamay ng bakla?
DOK: Ha?! Paano mo nalaman?!
ARMANDO: Kasi, tuwing umiihi ako, ayaw nang bitawan ang ari ko!
TOTOY: Na-kick out pala si Tweety Bird sa Looney Tunes dahil sa paggamit ng Viagra.
JUN-JUN: Talaga? Eh nasaan na siya ngayon?
TOTOY: Member na siya ng Sesame Street. Siya na si Big Bird!
GURO: Ano sa Tagalog ang panty?
GUILLERMO: Ma’am, salungguhit!
GURO: Very good! Ano naman sa Tagalog ang brief?
CRISTOBAL: Salongganisa po!
Gawain ng Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!
KAPAG ako’y namatay, ayokong RIP ang ilagay sa aking lapida.
Ang gusto ko, SYS… See You Soon!
INDAY: Fairy Godmother, gawin mo akong kaakit-akit sa mga lalaki!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Sige, gagawin kitang… Red Horse? Matador? Marlboro? O DotA?
MISTER: Gusto kong mag-file ng legal separation o annulment sa kasal namin ng asawa ko.
ATORNI: Bakit?
MISTER: Six months nang hindi niya ako kinakausap.
ATORNI: Mag-isip-isip ka! Mahirap humanap ng asawang hindi nagbubunganga!
EXCUSE LETTER ng nanay sa teacher…
Dear Teacherette… Kumustasa kalabasa? Keribambam ka lang ba? Bet kong italak sa yez na wiz makakajosok sa iskulembang si junakis ngayonchi.
Rarampa si atashi now at bet kong ka-join force si bebemon. Ispluk ni junakis na may periodical examinella chorva silachina.
Sana’y givlakan mo itey ng bonggang-bonggang espesyalinda examinella!
Trulibels… MUDJAI
BOY: Naka-anaesthesia ka ba? Bakit hindi mo maramdamang mahal na mahal kita?
GIRL: May amnesia ka ba? Bakit hindi mo maalalang binasted na kita?!
KIKO: Pare, alam mo ba kung ano ang dapat ipatuka sa manok para mangitlog agad?
DON: Binayong palay, pare!
KIKO: May mas mabisa d’yan, pare!
DON: Ano?
KIKO: Mani, pare! Makita pa lang ng manok ang mani, labas na ang dalawang itlog!
Kung I LOVE YOU ba ang pangalan ko, magkakalakas ng loob kang tawagin ako?
Nahihirapan ka na bang maging IKAW? Subukan mong maging TAYO, baka mas madali.
Huwag na huwag mo akong tatanungin kung mahal kita. Baka pag sumagot ako… kiligin ka
Sa Pilipinas, maraming ikinakasal kung Disyembre kesa sa buwan ng Hunyo… dahil sa dami ng Xmas party na makalaglag-panty.
Linggu-linggo, may ikinakasal, maliban kung Holy Week. Bawal kasing kumain ng laman.
Araw-araw, may ikinakasal, maliban kung Holy Week at Nobyembre 1 & 2.
Maraming gumugunita sa Nobyembre 1 & 2, mga araw na sila’y halos mamatay… sa sarap!
CHRIS: Para kang Oishi, Smart C+ ka!
JHOPAI: Bakit naman?
CHRIS: Kasi, smart ka na, may C+ ka pa!
JHOPAI: (kinilig) Ang ibig mong sabihin sa C+, curves? Dahil sexy ako sa paningin mo?
CHRIS: Hindi! Letter C kasi ang hugis ng baba mo!
Kantahin sa tono ng PAKISABI NA LANG ni Aiza…
Pakisabi na lang na may putok siya
Di bale nang amoy sa paa
Alam mong ito’y mabaho, ‘di maitatago
Ganu’n pa man, pakitawas na lang
Usapan sa kampus…
SANDRA: Sabihin mo lang sa akin kung in love ka na, ha? Sasagutin kita.
ALEX: Talaga? Alam mo, para kang Rebisco.
SANDRA: Ha?! Bakit?!
ALEX: Kasi, ang kapal ng filling mo!
Totoo na hindi nabibili ng pera ang kaligayahan…
Pero aminin mo, mas kumportableng lumuha sa loob ng BMW kesa sa loob ng tricycle, ‘di ba?!
Ito na raw ang pinakamalakas na bagyo dahil ayon sa PAG-ASA, ito lang ang bagyong may apelyido: Pepeng Basa!
Kapwa maputi ang mag-asawang Alona at Romeo. Nang magkaanak sila, nagulat si Romeo dahil maitim ang baby.
Duda ni Romeo, nasalisihan siya!
Sinumbatan ni Romeo si Alona, “Bakit maitim ang baby?! Bakit?!”
Paliwanag ni Alona, “Hone, I’m hot… you’re also hot… kaya si baby, nasunog!”
Sa isang tapsilugan…
GREG: Miss, ano ang masarap na almusal?
WAITRESS: Tapsilog, sir!
GREG: Ayoko nu’n! Wala bang iba? Meron kayong light meal? (sabay kindat sa seksing waitress)
WAITRESS: Sige… gusto n’yo, PUKE?
GREG: Ha?! Napakapilya mo pala!
WAITRESS: Si sir naman… ang ibig kong sabihin, PUto at KEso.
GREG: Ayoko rin nu’n! Ang gusto ko, KANTUTIN KITA SA KAMA!
WAITRESS: Bastos!
GREG: Bastos ba ‘yun? Ang gusto ko, KANin, TUyo, TINapa, KInilaw, TApa, SAka KAMAtis!
Tinanong ng elepante ang camel, “Bakit ang boobs mo, nasa likod?”
Natawa ang camel at ang sabi, “Napakagandang tanong mula sa isang nilalang na ang burat ay nasa mukha!”
BOGS: Kawawa naman si Ising Lasenggo! Natanggalan ng 2 balls dahil sa prostate cancer!
TEBAN: Mas kawawa si Andres na matagal nang walang yagbols!
BOGS: May prostate cancer din siya?
TEBAN: Wala! Pero grabe ang takot niya sa kanyang asawa! Super-ander siya!
BOGS: Wala ngang bola-bola!
Ano ang dapat mong sabihin kung biglang tumulo ang laway mo habang natutulog ka sa jeep?
“Ano ba ‘yan?! Ang init naman sa jeep!Pati bibig ko, pinapawisan!”
Epal. Mas Epal.
Epal: Uy, samahan moko, bili lang ako ng toothbrush.
Mas Epal: May extra ako jan, hindi pa nagagamit. Kung gusto mo sayo na yun.
Epal: Ilan?
Mas Epal: Putik, isa lang. Baket, ilan ba gusto mo?
Epal: 32... bale kung ibibigay mo sakin yung isa mo jan, kailangan ko na lang bumili ng 31.
Mas Epal: Tang*na pano ka ba magtoothbrush??? Ano yan disposable, pagkatapos gamitin, tapon na?!
Epal: Abnoy! Syempre 32 yung ngipin ko, edi 32 na toothbrush!
Mas Epal: Ba't hindi mo gamitin sa lahat ng ngipin mo yung isang toothbrush? Gago ka ba?!
Epal: Tanga ka pala 'e! Kaya nga toothbrush! TOOTH, isa lang. Kung isang toothbrush lang para sa lahat ng ngipin edi teethbrush yon! Duh!
Mas Epal: Ah put*ng ina mo ganon ba?! Sige halika, tutulungan kitang makatipid sa toothbrush. Sasapakin ko yang bunganga mo hanggang maubusan ka ng ngipin gago ka.
Curious lang...
Kung ang liga ng iba't-ibang barangay ay tinatawag na inter-barangay, at ang liga ng iba't-ibang kolehiyo ay tinatawag na inter-collegiate...
Bakit yung liga ng iba't-ibang course, ayaw nilang tawaging inter-course?
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