Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ika - 113 Banat

Miko Morelos: Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!



Si Miko Morelos ang center of the universe ngayon dahil ipinagkalat ni Tim Yap na si Miko ang tumama sa lotto 6/55. May kaunti lang problema. Hindi si Miko ang tumama sa lotto 6/55.

PDI reporter fears for life over Tim Yap tweet
By Miko Morelos
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 02:13:00 12/01/2010

MANILA, Philippines—So this is probably how a lottery jackpot winner feels—paranoid, insecure and uneasy.

But in my case, I’m neither P741 million richer nor a consolation prize winner, and yet I share the burden of the mystery bettor.

On Monday night, I filed breaking news on the winning combination of the 6/55 Grand Lotto, a much anticipated result because the jackpot was the biggest prize ever in the country’s lottery.

Monitoring the radio, I took note of the numbers and sent them as soon as the combination was complete. I was told the combination was flashed on the INQUIRER.net website, sent via SMS and Twitter.

A call to the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office turned my draft—which assumed there was no winner since bettors were luckless the past 85 times—180 degrees. “There is a winner from Luzon,” PCSO assistant general manager Liza Gabuyo told me.

Adrenaline rush

The adrenaline rushed through my veins. I told myself the one in a 29 million chance did exist. It was the odds a punter must hurdle to win the top prize.

I called up the duty editor to inform him that there was a winner, and that I would file a story shortly. I rehashed a draft I prepared last week.

I sent a one-line e-mail to our Twitter operator saying “One winner from Luzon confirmed.”

Minutes later, I filed the story, headed home and called it a night.

Unthinkable

Then the unthinkable happened.

“Did you really win the Grand Lotto?” was the first line my college pal told me as he rang my phone.

“Huh? I didn’t even get a chance to place my bet,” I replied.

“You should tune in to Magic 89.9 because people are saying you won,” he said. I tuned in to the FM radio station only to miss the announcement.

Call from mother

My mother was the second person to call me up. She posed the same question. I gave her the same answer, and she said my sister was being asked by her friends about Monday night’s draw. My mother passed the phone to my sister, who said her friends had learned about the information via Twitter.

I mumbled profanities and curses on my way home. Once there, I immediately logged onto my social networking accounts. To my surprise, what my friend, mother and sister had told me was no bad joke; people took the information as gospel truth.

Stream of messages

I had over 100 people I never personally met asking me to add them as a “friend,” while a stream of congratulatory messages flooded my inbox. I told myself the situation was getting out of hand.

The first thing I did was to snoop around while replying to concerned friends who exerted efforts in trying to clear the miscommunication. The snafu even reached a couple of my friends based overseas who also tried to clarify the issue by sending retweets.

I discovered who the culprit was.

Tim Yap

Apparently, it was celebrity host Tim Yap who branded me the winner in his tweet a few hours earlier.

“Eto na, PCSO confirms one winner—his name is Miko Morelos. He gets to take home the P741.2M peso Grand Lotto 6/55 Jackpot! #magtagokana!” he said in his Twitter account (@iamtimyap Tim Yap)

The first thing that crossed my mind was how clueless Yap was on the subject. The PCSO does not disclose the identity of any winner for obvious security reasons.

What was appalling was the hundreds of people falling for the false information. They even set up a fan page on Facebook encouraging me to spend the money wisely, while not taking seriously the clarifications from the Inquirer Twitter account and “Mr. Bigshot socialite” (Yap) himself.

Yap continued with his tweets: “And guess what? Miko Morelos is on twitter! @mikomorelos I already sent a request. He protected his tweets already. #afraidforhislife,” @iamtimyap Tim Yap said.

He tried to clarify the matter when he tweeted: “Okay, ladies& gents excited about the winner of the lotto jackpot—I received reports that Miko Morelos is the Inquirer reporter who reported about the lotto. Not necessarily the winner. #sorrynacarriedawaylahat.”

(I personally find the hashtags contentious bordering on the malicious.)

Damage done

The damage had been done.

My mother called me up Tuesday afternoon saying the classmates of my sisters appeared to be convinced that I won the jackpot, no matter how much they denied the information.

With the desperate times as indicated by the surge in petty crimes in the streets, I feared for our safety.

I commute to work from our house and the dangers of public transport are as obvious as the color of the sky. My family, likewise, does the same.

Precautions

I’ve taken precautions to salvage what was left of my identity in my social networking accounts, claiming a copyright infringement on my part for the unauthorized use of my name on the Facebook pages (including the one that’s supporting me for the sake of a level playing field).

What bothers me is how people take information at face value, without reading or even processing these bits to form a coherent thought. Is this a sign of the times that people aren’t thinking critically anymore?

I hope not.

(And even if I did win the jackpot, you probably wouldn’t see my byline tomorrow.)



NAGPALAKI, PUMUTOK ANG ARI
Ni Richard Buenaventura



Nagrereklamo na umano ang misis ng isang 32-anyos na mister dahil sa maliit na ari nito kaya hindi sila mabiyayaan ng anak kung kaya’t nag-isip ng paraan ang lalaki at naisipang magpatusok ng hindi pa malamang uri ng gamot upang lumaki ang kanyang kargada.

Pero nagsisisi nga­yon ang mister na hindi na pinangalanan at nagrerekober sa Ilocos Training and Regional Medical Center matapos pumutok ang mga ugat ng kanyang ari dahil lumaki umano ito ng halos tatlong beses sa dating sukat o katumbas ng isang maliit na lata ng sardinas.

Nangyari ang insidente sa San Fernando City, La Union kung saan, nag-ugat umano ang kagustuhang lumaki ang ari ni mister nang magreklamo na ang 31-anyos na misis nito na kahit malaki ang katawan ng asawa ay maliit naman ang kargada na inakalang siyang dahilan kung kaya’t hindi sila magkaanak sa loob ng siyam na taon na nilang pagsasama.

Matinding pagkapahiya umano ang naramdaman ng mister kung kaya’t lumapit ito sa kakilalang bading at kumunsulta kung paano mapapalaki ang kanyang ari.

Epektibo naman umano ang gamot na nirekomenda kay mister at tuwang-tuwa pa umano ang mag-asawa subalit makaraan ang ilang linggo ay nakaramdam na ng pananakit sa kanyang ari ang lalaki hanggang sa mamaga at tuluyang pumutok ang mga ugat nito sabay ng paglabas ng nana.

Kaagad na sumugod ang mag-asawa sa nabanggit na pagamutan at nagsi­sisi rin umano ang mi­sis dahil sa pangungutya sa kanyang mister na naging dahilan sa paghahanap nito ng gamot.

Blangko rin umano ang mga manggagamot sa uri ng gamot na itinurok sa ari ng mister subalit posibleng may kinalaman umano ito sa pagpapalaki ng ‘boobs’ na sinubukan kung uubra sa ari ng mga lalaki.



Kung hindi ka gagawa ng kalokohan habang bata ka pa, wala kang maaalalang nakakatawa pag matanda ka na!



Juanito Habatiti




Partida



Cowboy Taba: Masyadong maliit ang mundo para sa ating dalawa.

Cowboy payat: Matabachoy ka kase, kung wala ka, ang laki ng iluluwag ng mundo!

Cowboy Taba: Gago! Healthy lang ako. Sumosobra ka na talaga malnoris!

Cowboy payat: Healthy ka kamo? Kaya pala halos gumagapang na yung kabayo mo pag nakasakay ka. Tapusin na natin 'to.

Cowboy Taba: Matagal ko na ding gustong tapusin 'to. Naiisip mo ba ang naiisip ko?

Cowboy payat: Malamang hinde, dahil hindi ako nag-iisip ng pagkain ngayon. Duwelo ang iniisip ko.

Cowboy Taba: Tarantado ka, yun nga ang iniisip ko.

Cowboy payat: Hindi ka nag-iisip ngayon ng pagkain? Mamatay ka man?

Cowboy Taba: Nag-iisip din, pero iniisip ko din yung duwelo gago.

Cowboy payat: Simulan na natin 'to. Itutumba kita ngayon, humanda ka.

Cowboy Taba: Tingnan lang natin kung sinong hindi sisikatan ng araw bukas.

Cowboy payat: Ok game. Tatayo tayo ng magkalayo...

Cowboy Taba: Teka gano kalayo?

Cowboy payat: Mga 30 feet ang layo natin sa isa't-isa.

Cowboy Taba: Teka! Lugi naman ako!

Cowboy payat: Aba baket?!

Cowboy Taba: Mataba ako 'e. Mas madali akong matamaan ng bala.

Cowboy payat: O' anong gusto mong gawin?

Cowboy Taba: Dapat mas malayo ako sayo. Dapat 30 feet ang layo mo sakin, pero 40 feet ang layo ko sayo.

Cowboy payat: Sige pag naisip mo kung pano natin gagawin yan, mamartilyuhin ko yung itlog ko. Booyset!




"Kung swerteng pinuno ni Lord ang tagay sa baso mo, salinan mo naman ng konti ang baso ng iba, mas masaya naman pag mas madami ang kainuman, at posible pang malasing ka kung sosolohin mo ang pinunong tagay sayo. Madami ang hindi gaanong siniswerte at nabubuhay sa latak ng iba, kaya kung higit pa sa isang baso ang tinagay sayo... painumin mo naman sila "



"Sa piling ng mga tunay na kaibigan lang lumalabas ang gilagid mo kapag tumatawa, sinasagot ng pambara ang patawa, pinang-aasar ang personal na problema, at nagiging lambing ang pagmumura."



Sally Bugna Mathay




Hindi naman masama ang pagiging SELFISH, eh.
May mga bagay lang talaga na bawal ang may KAHATI




Tang Inang shit na yan @#$%^



Habang Bata pa siya, turuan na siya sa tamang edukasyon



Lasa ng pekpek



15-25 y/o: matamis kahit hindi malinis
26-35 y/o: matamis kapag malinis
36-49 y/o: may konting tamis kapag nilinis
50 and above: kahit malinis, lasang ipis!


Paalala: Huwag mag-tex habang nagmamaneho







101 Pose with Justin Bieber


"The magde-devil's horn ako dahil gusto kong magmukang rocker pose."

(Sa totoo lang, kung hindi ka rock star, muka ka lang pacool pag nagde-devil's horn ka.

Tingin mo nakakatuwa ka pag ginagawa mo yan?)



"The wala akong maisip na iba pero dahil gusto kong maghand-sign sa picture
magpi-peace sign ako pose."

(Kung hindi mo naman talaga pinagkakalat ang mensahe ng kapayapaan, tigilan mo na yan.
Halata namang nanggagaya ka lang. Seryoso, mga taong gumaganyan lang din ang hindi mag-iisip na muka kang tanga.)


"The ang galing ko dahil nakagawa ako ng heart shape gamit lang ang kamay ko pose."

(Kung babae ka, mejo ok lang. Pero kung lalake ka, wag ka na. May mga taong ginagawa 'to para magtrip, pero kung ginagawa mo 'to dahil tingin mo maganda, gago ka.)



"The that's my boy pose."

(Acceptable lang para sa mga batang 12 years old and below. Retarded ka kung ginagawa mo 'to kahit 13 years old or above ka na.)



"The Mr. Pogi pose."

Acceptable lang kung panget ka. Pag gwapo ka at ginawa mo 'to, dapat kang masaktan.



"The taas ng kamay para ipakita ang kili-kili FHM pose."

(Acceptable lang kung maganda at sexy ka. At siguraduhin mong babae ka.)



Tunay na Astig na Barako kodak moment !!!





Vibrator party !!!



Mga mata ni Manoy !!!




Mga Tang Inang produkto @!#$%^&*



















HUBO’T HUBAD si Inday habang nagse-serve ng salad sa mga bisita.
“Bakit wala kang suot?” usisa ng kanyang amo.
Paliwanag ni Inday, “Kasi po, sabi sa cookbook… SERVE WITHOUT DRESSING!”

T: Kapag hindi tumalab ang KISSpirin at YAKAPsule sa LOVEnat, ano ang dapat gamitin?
S: BiogeSEX.
T: Anong puno ang la­ging okey lang?
S: Fine tree.
T: Sino ang paboritong wrestler ng mga baboy?
S: The Rock
T: Ano ang sabi ng tae sa kapwa tae?
S: “Pare, walang tulakan!”
T: Ano ang sabi ng utot sa sanitary napkin?
S: “I am the wind beneath your wings.”
T: Bakit mahirap magmahal ng anaesthesiologist?
S: Kasi, manhid.

EDWIN: Pare, balita ko, member ka raw ng SMP?
MICHAEL: ‘Yun ba ‘yung Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko? Hindi ako member nu’n, ha?! May girlfriend ako!
EDWIN: Hindi ‘yun. Ang SMP na sinasabi ko… Syota Mo, Pangit!

BOGS: Nag-apply akong boy kay Don Fa­cundo! Pinag-uumpisa na ako bukas!
ROMY: Ha?! Di ba, malakas naman ang kita mo sa pagtatraysikel?
BOGS: Suwerte kasi ang mga katulong ngayon, eh! Parehong katulong ang nanalo sa lotto at Willing Willie!
ROMY: Baka nanga­ngailangan ang boss mo ng isa pang boy?!

JASON: Iniligtas ko kahapon sa RAPE ang isang magandang babae!
TONY: Wow! Paano mo ginawa ‘yon, pare?
JASON: Self-control, dude!

Mga paraan upang maging sikat sa mundo…

#1 Maging boxing champion sa 8 weight divisions.
#2 Mag-massacre ng 57 tao.
#3 Pakasalan si Aling Dionisia.

1 comment:

  1. Gusto kong magkaroon ng aesthetics dibdib. Naghahanap ako para sa isang plastic siruhano sa Turkey.
    Memeesteti─či

    ReplyDelete