Saturday, August 21, 2010
Ika - 76 Banat
Nasa San Miguel ang Best Import at Best Player of the Conference. Kung papano nakasilat si Tim Cone, wala na kaming pakialam. Congratulations ulit, Alaska.
Joselito Binayug: Under Consideration
gawain ng tunay na astig na barako ang torture. pero di gawain ng tunay na astig na barako ang manghila ng etits ng iba. tingin nyo?
Pataas presyo ng usok
May pinapausong kalokohan ang DOH (Department Of Health) na taasan daw ang tax ng yosi. Mula sa estimated price na 27pesos per pack, papalo ng mga 9opesos ang isang kaha. Ginawa ito sa U.S. at dahil tamad mag-isip ng sariling solusyon at walang originality ang DOH gusto nilang gayahin ito.
Hindi na dapat idebate kung mali ang pagyoyosi. Oo, masama ang sigarilyo sa kalusugan. Pero kung sa tingin nila ang pagpresyo ng 90pesos per pack ay magiging sagot sa pagpapatigil sa mga adik sa yosi, think again mofos.
Dahil ang galing-galing namin sobra, naisip na namin ang mangyayari. Imbis na tumigil sa pagyoyosi ang mga tao, babawasan nila ang budget nila sa pagkain, kuryente, at kung ano-ano pang necessities para lang matustusan ang pambili ng yosi. Hindi na nila pag-aaralin ang mga anak nila para lang makapagyosi. Magiging status symbol ang yosi at malulugi ang mga coffee shops dahil magyoyosi nalang ang mga gustong magpasosyal at hindi na bibili ng overpriced na kape. Mas dadami ang nagma-marijuana dahil papatak na halos kapresyo na ito ng yosi.
Hindi makatarungan para sa mga mahirap ang pagtataas ng presyo ng sigarilyo. Kapag nagkataon, nanakawin ng DOH ang karapatan ng mga mahirap sa simpleng palipas oras. Ang pagyoyosi ay parang fishing (hobby ng pangingisda), parang may ginagawa ka, pero kung tutuusin wala naman, at ito lang ang "hobby"ng iba.
Hindi ba masyadong pangmayaman ang diskarte ng DOH na yan?!! Makakabili parin naman ng yosi ang mga bilyonaryo na tulad namin. Kawawa naman kaming mga sobrang yaman, magiging unhealthy kami! Baket hindi nila gawing 8 billion pesos per pack ang mga yosi para patas???
Sa balanseng husgahan, masyado lang talaga anti-mahirap ang cigarette tax increase na gustong itulak ng DOH. Gawin mo kung ano ang maisip mong paraan para umabot ang mensaheng ito sa DOH, at sa Noynoy.
Himay sa "Bekimon"
Nung una naming marinig ang salitang "bekimon" napamura kami dahil akala namin upgraded lang na "jejemon" yang mga yan. Pero hindi kami bumibira sa mga bagay na hindi namin naiintindihan. Kaso lang sa bagay na 'to, mukang hindi talaga namin maiintindihan 'to ng buo dahil ang hirap i-decode ng mga "bekimon".
Ang salitang "bekimon" ay pinaghalong salita na "beki" (bading sa salitang bading) at "mon" na hugot sa mapanirang peste sa palayan ng I.Q. na mga "jejemon"
Madami ang naaaliw sa mga "bekimon" at meron ding naaasar. Sinasabi ng iba na parang bading na "jejemon" lang daw itong mga 'to. Sa tingin namin, hindi.
Ang ka-jejemonan ay sa typing, samantalang ang ka-bekimonan ay more on speech.
Ang mga "jejemon" ay talamak sa pagpapa-arte ng mga salita na nagpapahirap sa nagbabasa, at ang mga biktima ng mga "jejemon" ay mga inosenteng tao. Samantalang ang mga "bekimon" ay nagbibigay ng option na hindi ka makinig dahil hindi mo naman sila kakayaning intindihin, lalo na kung nasa normal to high speed ang bilis ng pagsasalita nila. Ang jejemon ay naimbento ng mga taong gustong magpacool, at bobo sa spelling. Samantalang ang "bekimon" ay naimbento ng mga bading na walang magawa sa parlor.
Sa unang husga, mukang kagaguhan ang mga pinag-gagagawa ng mga "bekimon", pero sa mas malalim na paghihimay, maiisip mo na utak din ang puhunan ng mga nag-iimbento ng salita nila. Mukang hindi kakayanin makaisip ng taong mababa ang I.Q. ng mga terminology para i-substitute sa normal na salita. Mga salita at substitute terminologies tulad ng:
karma: Carmi Marin
securuty guard: guardo versosa
nawala: na-lost in space
Gustong i-boycott ni political activist Argee Guevarra ang cosmetic surgeon na si Vicki Belo dahil pagiging irisponsable daw ang ginawang pag-Botox ni Vicky kay Charice Pempengco. Dapat daw magalit ang mga Pilipino dahil insulto ang pagreretoke ng natural na bilugang muka ni Charice. Nagmumuka daw hindi katanggap-tanggap sa mundo ang bilugang muka.
Nagalit si Vicky Belo at isa siguro sa dahilan ay ang mga "shoutouts" ni Guevarra sa Facebook.
Sinabi DAW ni Argee Guevarra ang mga ito:
“Reyna ng Kaplastikan, Reyna ng Kapalpakan” “A wannabe mortician masquerading as a cosmetic surgeon will never be able to stitch up the difference between formalin or botox, between free speech or slander when suing for libel a Facebook user for his shoutouts and status updates. Such surgical stupidity results in mistaking Facebook for Erasebook.”
Nag-file ng libel ang kampo ni Belo dahil mali at walang basehan daw ang mga sinasabi ng lawyer na si Argee Guevarra. Siguro para kay Vicky Belo ito ay hiting "Belo" the belt. Ang korni non. Walang naman yatang dapat ikabahala si Vicky Belo kahit i-boycott sya ng mga tao dahil karamihan naman ng clients nya ay mga babae. Matakot sya kapag binantaan sya ng girlcott. Ang korni ulit.
A story of growing up
I used to not care about anybody but myself. I had close friends and a fun/quirky family that I loved, but I didn't let anyone penetrate my personal life deep enough to make me care if they (God forbid)disappeared from my life. I never knew how I became like that. It was just the way I was.
I had a habit of just suddenly "hybernating" in my room. Not to sleep, but to get away from other people. It was my way of recharging myself. It usually lasts about 2 to 3 months. Just going outside my room to eat. I would watch TV and DVDs, write compositions, and beef up my portfolio designing sample print ads. When I want the feel of having company, I "trip" on chatters on the net. When I say "trip" on chatters, what I mean is play stupid when talking with them. I wasn't a real chatter, I did it for the stupid reason of amusing myself. Yes, I know, I was a jerk. Little did I know that being a jerk would win me a good friend online.
It started out like every tripping session. They say "hi", I say "hi". They type in "ASL", I play stupid and ask "What's ASL?". They tell me "Age, Sex, and Location.", and I say "Ohhh, ok." and so on. They didn't get a single serious answer from me. I didn't want to flirt, and I wasn't interested on having a real conversation with anyone. But there was this one girl who was firing back at my sarcasm and stupid comments, and she just won't quit. I don't know how it happened but i found myself smiling at her remarks and comebacks. Eventually we got to know each other more and we told our real names to one another, but still no flirting or real serious talks. Just bantering and sharing opinions, almost a fun debate. There were no moments of silence since I would just say "BOOM!" whenever there was dead air during our talk. It was a first time for me to enjoy talking with someone on the net. There was a moment that I wondered what that girl looked like but the thought just went away. We didn't exchange pictures like the typical chatter did. It just seemed inappropriate at the time. She found out that I write compositions, and asked if she could see one. I told her I'll show her one the following day because I didn't have my files on the computer that I was using. She didn't believe me, but I told her "May isang salita ako." (A phrase that would bite me on the butt later on) Our conversation ended very platonic. I told her it was surprisingly pleasant talking to her. She told me I was an OK person but still a jerk, then we said our goodbyes. Even though it was obvious that we enjoyed talking with each other, there were no exchange of email addresses, phone numbers, or any contact infos. It was just left like that. I didn't go back online to chat again after that time.
Two months went by and I ended my "hibernation ". I went out with friends again, almost every night. I had 2 not-so-serious girlfriends that knew about each other at the time (Naks feeling pogi) but with my way of thinking, I didn't care if both of them left me, and at times that I was out with friend, I still "met" other women. We were still students then, and when the school year ended, so did our nightly evening gatherings.
I spent more time at home during that summer. It was humid and boring. One summer day, just to do something, I decided to "trip" again on chatters. I never used my real name and I don't remember what nickname I used that time. Still being a jerk, nobody talked to me for more than 5 minutes. I was about to turn off the computer when someone said "Hi". I went about my A-hole ways and played stupid. The girl was playing along. 5 minutes went by and we were still talking, then 10 minutes. After about a hundred stupid comments and 20 minutes of sarcasm, the person I was talking with asked, "Do you know anyone named (my real name)?"... I was puzzled. How come she knows my name? Then she followed that with "Or are you him?) I was laughing in disbelief! How does she know my name??? Who is this? Is my name showing somewhere on a chat window type thing? More questions was still popping in my head while I was laughing and I was actually telling her that I was literally laughing my head off, but I still didn't say that I was the guy she was asking about. And I still could figure out who she was. Then she typed... "May isang salita pala ha!" It was her. After more than 5 months, it was again, the witty girl that chewed up my stupid comments and spat it back at me with sarcastic remarks of her own. All I could say was... "BOOM!" and she laughed. It was like meeting an old friend.
It was a very nice surprise to cross paths again with the witty girl on the net. We talked for a couple of hours maybe. She mentioned that her friends were participating in a bazaar event of some sort, and I told her we had some stuff at home that might be "sellable" at the bazaar. I told her she just needed to give me 100 pesos for each and the rest of the profit was theirs to keep. She told me to drop the items off at their house and gave me their address. I came to their house on a Monday afternoon. I didn't know why, but I had a bit of anxiety going on. Maybe it was the unfamiliar experience of seeing someone that I only met online. I didn't ring the doorbell. I just texted her that I was already outside their house. Maybe I was just being a guy, but I was hopping that a pretty girl wearing a tank top and short shorts would open the gate. When she opened the gate, I saw beauty in it's purest form. She wasn't wearing any makeup. No powder, no lip gloss, no nothing. The down side for me... she was wearing jogging pants and a long shirt. That time, all I could think about was how good she would have looked in a pair of tight jeans. I greated her with "Boom." She smiled and invited me in. I showed her the stuff I had for her friend's bazaar, then we played pool (they had a pool table at home) I won, but early in the game, she thought I was letting her win. I was seriously playing my best, and she really was a decent billiards player. I left after about 2 hours and went strait to a friend's house.
Months went by. I didn't see her again, although we texted sometimes. She told me the stuff I brought for the bazaar were sold and that I can get the money anytime. I told her to just hang on to it. I liked her in a semi-platonic way. I was then single and not looking to commit, so I didn't think about courting her. Actually it was the thought that someone like her wouldn't be interested in someone like me that pushed me away from the idea of courting her. She was a nice girl. I was a trouble maker. She graduated magna cum laude, while I was retained in high school once, dropped my course in college twice, and was someone who thought a passing grade was heaven sent. She never had a boyfriend, while came from a 21 failed relationship streak. She was your all-around nice girl, and I was a guy who have done at least 8 illegal things in the past (Nothing that can or would harm others in any way.) I just didn't think of us being together in a romantic way.
One night, I received a text message from her, telling me that she would be going to the States in 2 days, and that I should get my money from her because she would be staying there for good. I told her we should hang out before she leaves. Not a date though, just hang out with my friends. We went out, she brought a friend with her, a gilr, and they came with me and my friends to have a couple of drinks. She was leaving in the morning the next day. It was already 5AM when we dropped her and and her friend at their house, and there was only hours left before her flight. I wished her a safe trip, then I... shook her hand.
A friend went to live in the States. Life went on. She and I still texted sometimes. Her, using the free online texting servicen, and me, using a 5,000 pesos free text on a sim card that my friend, "Manong Guard" gave me (That's a different story)
One lazy afternoon, while having soda with friends. I overheard a couple arguing. The guy seemed to be running late on his evening plans for their date, and the girl was having a tantrum because she was hungry. The guy was trying his best to make the girl ease up a bit, but the girl was already snubbing him. All that time, what was running through my head was I didn't want a girl like that. I didn't want a "girly" girl that acts like a spoiled toddler. I wanted a girl that could run with the boys, a girl that would be happy just to sit and talk on the street gutter, someone who could be funny by telling corny jokes. Then it hit me. I know someone like that. I know someone EXACTLY like that. But she left.
It was a bitter-sweet feeling, knowing who can make you happy and while knowing she's halfway across the globe. At that moment, I took out my phone and texted her... "Pu*ang i*ang States yan." I acted on impulse. I didn't hate the U.S. and I only cursed the place where she went to live for good. If she left for the moon, I would have cursed the moon. She replied "Ano?" I then said, "Sorry, wrong send." knowing that nothing good would come if I told her how I felt. True to the fact that some things are appreciated when they're gone. When I got home, while lying on my bed, out of nowhere, I just texted her again, "Oist! Kung niligawan kita noon, pano moko babastedin?" she then answered, "Baket, sino bang nagsabing babastedin kita?" Time stopped, and I felt something that I very rarely feel. I was sad.
Words were being dealt in unraveling ways. True feelings were flying back and forth. She asked me the reason why I waited for her to leave before telling her how I felt. I told her the truth... I wasn't aware before. I knew that I had to let her be, and not to confuse her with my stupidity. Weeks would pass and I eventually came to accept the fact that the "witty girl" was not for me to hold, that I wasn't the one who would make her happy, that it wasn't me who would take care of her. Then the time came when she texted, "BOOM." and the number she was using was har old phone number. She was back!
When she came back to the Philippines. Realizations came to me. I never had a relationship that lasted for more than 4 months. For the first time, I wanted to be a part of somebody else's life, and for someone to share mine. I told her we couldn't see each other yet. I badly wanted to see her but I knew that if I didn't start things with us the right way, I might end up losing her. I told her to wait. For almost 2 weks, I tried to right the wrongs and end the hanging issues I had. I disposed my old sim card, the one that had the numbers of girls that I was with (past, present... And future?) I met with some of my ex-girlfriends to tell them that we can't see each other anymore. I told them I met someone and that I really wanted things to work out between me and the girl. When I went to meet my the witty girl, I knew I was ready. I had someone who was tailor made for me by God and I wouldn't do anything to risk losing her. She told me she came back for me.
We have been together now for more than five years. Starting out as friends gave us the foundation of trust, and it helped me to open up and let her settle in my heart. When I opened up for her, something in me became more appreciative for my family, friends, and even the simplest things. I began thinking of the future, when before, it was too much of living for the moment. Some people in the past said they never saw decisiveness in me. When I think about it, I say there has always been decisiveness in everything I did. I just wasn't doing it passionately. I think growing up isn't just knowing about more things in life. Maybe it's knowing what you have to do, and doing it. God gave us all a purpose. A special woman helped me find mine.
The winning bid...
Jerome: Amanda, sagutin mo lang ako, ibibgay ko sayo ang buwan at mga bituin sa langit...
Amanda: Ano naman ang gagawin ko sa buwan at mga bituin???
Jerome: Ha? Ah eh.. ano.. ahhh benta mo sa Ebay. Madami namang siraulong bumibili ng kahit ano sa ebay. Tulad ng...
Pangalan ng magiging anak nila
Doritos na hugis sumbrero ng Pope
Buong buhay nila
Amanda: Sige, sinasagot na kita. Dalhin mo bukas yung buwan sa bahay namin. Yung mga bituin, sa susunod nalang pag nabenta ko na yung buwan.
Papa: Reggie, baket bagsak ang grade mo dito sa test paper?!
Reggie: E' kasi papa hindi po ako naka-aral.
Papa: Nako naman Reggie, hindi pwedeng pa-easy-easy ka lang sa school. 6 years old ka na, next year grade 1 ka na. Gusto mo ba patigilin ka nalang namin ni mama mo mag-aral?
Papa: Yun naman pala 'e. Alam mo anak, matalino ka naman. Kailangan mo lang maging masipag. Naiintindihan mo ba?
Papa: Kasi alam mo anak, kung magiging masipag ka sa buhay, pwede kang maging kahit anong gusto mong maging. Kung gusto mong maging doctor, kailangan masipag kang magmemorize. Kung gusto mong maging basketball player, kailangan masipag kang magpractice. Kung gusto mong maging biologist , kailangan masipag kang magresearch... Ikaw ba, ano bang gusto mong maging?
Christine: Boy, may problema ako 'e. Pwede bang makahingi ng payo?
Boy Honest: Hinde.
Christine: Ganito kasi yun... May type akong lalake, tapos minsan nakikita kong tumitingin sya sa akin. Pero pag ngumiti ako, inaalis naman nya yung tingin nya saken. Pano ko ba malalaman kung may gusto sakin yung lalake?
Boy Honest: Titigan mo sya. Lapitan mo habang nakatitig ka sa mata nya. Kapag magkalapit na kayo, tanungin mo... "Hoy, may gusto ka ba saken?"
Christine: Hindi ko yata kaya gawin yun!
Boy Honest: Wala torpe ka pala 'e. Sige na umalis ka na, mangungulangot pa ako, rude naman kung gagawin ko sa harap mo.
Mga hayop na Stoner !!!!
Gat. Jose Rizal : Tunay na Astig na Stoner !!!!
"I myself, though in 1879, used hashish."
eto ang buong detalye.
My distinguished Friend,
I received your letter of the 27th of last month and excuse me for not having answered you before this, for I have had to consult some countrymen and books concerning your question about the hashish. 
No book, no historian that I know of speaks of any plant whose use is similar to that of the hashish. I myself, though in 1879, used hashish; I did it for experimental purposes and I obtained the substance from a drugstore. I do not believe that its use had been introduced either before or after the arrival of the Spaniards. The Filipinos drank arak, nipa-palm and coconut wine, etc. and they chewed buyo before the arrival of the Spaniards, but not hashish.
Neither is there a word resembling it found in the language. The is-is or asis is a kind of wild fig-tree.
If I had Fr. Blanco’s Flora, I could find out if this plant exists. I believe, therefore, that its use is unknown. Opium was introduced only after the arrival of the Spaniards. We Tagalogs call it apian.
I am here at Brussels at your disposal as always. If you could give me an introduction to some employee of the library, I would appreciate it.
Most affectionately yours,
Hashish: Cannabis which is chewed or smoked in the East for its intoxicating effect.
Note: Haschisch – Canabis Indica. This opinion of Dr. Rizal is shared by the illustrious botanist, Dr. Leon Ma. Gurrero. The drug has been used in India since very remote times for its aphrodisiac property and in china as a medicine since the fifth century before the Christian era. Its effect on the brain is wonderfully explained by the creator of the legend of the Chateau d’If (Castle of If) in one of his chapters. (Note of Dia Filipino.)
Kayo ang humusga
gawain ba ito ng tunay na astig na barako ?
Di Tunay Na Astig na Barako Kodak Moment
Cong. Ronald Singson: Tunay Na Astig na Barako !!!
ang tunay na astig na barako ay drug addict
Ice cream ng Tunay na Astig na Barako !!!
Dagdag kaalaman para sa mga kaibigan nating mga Chinese na naninirahan sa Pilipinas. Hindi lahat ng tao sa Pilipinas ay may family business.
Hindi na siguro kasalanan ng ibang Chinese dito sa Pilipinas kung hindi sila sanay makakilala ng taong walang family business. Kapag may bago kang nakilala sa school, office, o kung saan man, ang mga normalna palitan ng informations ay...
"Anong pangalan mo?"
"Taga saan ka?"
"Anong ginagawa mo? / Anong trabaho mo?"
Pero sa maniwala kayo o hindi, sa mundo ng mga Chinese schools sa Pilipinas, ang mga palitan ng information ay ganito...
"Anong pangalan mo?"
"Taga saan ka?"
"Anong family business nyo?"
Ang dalawang manunulat ng MgaEpal na si "Bunso" at "Boss Chip" ay may kaintsikan din sa dugo nila (Erpat ni "Bunso", Chinese. Ermat ni "Boss Chip" Chinese.) at sila ay patunay sa karanasan na matanong kung ano ang family business nila. Hindi naman lagi, pero madalas kapag parehong Chinese ang nagkakilala, ganon ang nangyayare. Hindi naman mali ang ganitong pangyayare, naisip lang namin na ipaalam ang "trivia" na 'to sa mga Pilipino. At maipaabot sa susunod ng henerasyon ng Chinese-Filipinos na hindi lahat ng tao ay pinanganak na may hardware, mall, junk shop, paupahang bahay, pawnshop, palaisdaan, pabrika ng unan, repair shop ng tao, factory ng bahay, pagawaan ng good morning towels, etc.
At a funeral…
Erap: Tara na, jinggoy, aalis na tayo!
Jinngoy: Kararating lang natin ah!
Erap: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: “Remains wll be cremated.”
Wife: Do u have any idea what would happen 2 u if I die?
HUsband: I might also die.
Husband: Sometimes too much happiness causes death…
Amo: Inday, ilan liter meron sa isang litrong coke?
Inday: 4 liters po.
Amo: Cgurado ka?
Inday: Upo, ati, Liter C, liter O, liter K, liter E. Di ba 4 liters yun?
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat in the school?
Pupil: Awa po ako eh..
Pupil: Kasi po I heard my BF say, tonight I will eat your pussy…
Son: Dad, pinapagalitan ako ng titser ko.
Son: Hinalikan ko seatmate ko!
Dad: Itong anak ko manang-mana sa akin, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi nga po eh!